There’s a peace that comes from doing that you love, a peace that knows you better than anything. It’s different from the one that comes when you’re pleasantly in love or financially stable. It’s one with the soul. I’ve been lucky to be working on what I love these last days.
One of the things I’m thankful for is having dressed in my play’s character’s clothes and, alongside a lot of other actors, did a photo shoot for the play. It gave me an idea of my character’s deal. The shoot also felt my happy place.
While we were doing the photos at the theater I got a geeky email from my best friend, who just left to England to work, the email was a thread he’d been having with another friend of his about acting and filmmaking in general. They both had thoughts on why they didn’t like La La Land and I wholeheartedly agreed. One of my main things I dislikes was the use of non-white people as props and extras, which makes it fishy. Another point of contention had to do with a white man being a purist about Jazz and a white woman “suffering” through auditions in LA. I just can’t get behind any of this. They both seemed to have agreed about this on their own… and here’s the kicker: as white men. This is something to be thankful for. I’ve had to explain “wokeness” to white men the most. Even the most liberal and accepting amongst my young, open-minded friends have shown privilege or ignorance one way or another. Nothing terrible about it, in fact, it brings up interesting conversations. However, it is a breath of fresh air when they come to conclusions of this sort on their own and, even more so, when they are two men speaking.
I spent time with my dad and gf and then went to my BF’s place to study an acting book I just got all while writing down questions and thoughts for my play’s character. I also memorized for two auditions I had the next day.
I was about to leave this out but I won’t anymore: I had an unexpected call with my manager, where they expressed someone I admire is interested in meeting with me. When things like this happen I always say “don’t get too excited, unless you book a job and see a check in your hand is not real” but that’s a thought that I want to shift! I want to think every little bit of interest in my career from people, and specially people I admire, IS MONEY! IT IS CURRENCY! ENERGY! LOVE.
Something else I had the instinct to leave out as to “not boast” too much: Remember the audition from the day before, the 70’s one? Well, they told me I did a great job and they sent my tape to producers. This is something good, I forget to thank these things. I forget that they are a big deal because at some point, when this started happening more and more, I forgot how exciting it was and started focusing on the least important part Well, is not something to get excited about unless I book it… Unless I get the job, unless I get paid, unless I see it on the air, unless… But that ends this year! Me, four years ago, would’ve been flipping out of excitement about it because turns out, that regardless of the end result, something like this IS something to celebrate!
So many awful auditions happen on the daily in this city. So many terrible auditions I’ve been the star of. So many sad moments of driving away in my car asking my inner self, the one that’s been pushing me into this path, Why did you make me go this way if it wasn’t for me? (all while crying to Lemonade)… worst part about all this? This is normal! That suffering and shame and wondering is what’s actually normal. So, from now on, this is not boasting, my tape being sent to producers is something to be grateful for! That call about a possible meeting? IS something to be grateful for. In general, any interest, call, meeting, love, email and audition sent IS something to be grateful for.
Overall, a very ACTRESS day. My kind of day. My kind of week. Thank you, life, for days like these, specially when money comes my way as well. Which it did. I got a catering job check I was waiting for since the beginning of November. Hey, I know it’s not from acting but $ is $!