January 10th: One Tries

BF

Last night BF was depressed and I didn’t know how to act around him (since last time this happened he broke up with me). He wanted to sleep and fell asleep, I went to bed and kept studying scripts by his side and was sad that, for the first time, we didn’t cuddle or nothing. However, I woke up with an idea I’m so very thankful for: PSSST, PSSSST, BRING HIM BREAKFAST TO BED!!!! I had a feeling he’d be happy and that would send him onto this new day on the right foot. It did! It worked. Thank you, ideas fairy.

WORK

Only he ate, I left him all happy to have breakfast with my dad and his GF. I also got ready quickly to go to the first audition of the day. Hmmm that sounds so good! The FIRST audition of the day. So many days go by with nothing to do in terms of opportunities and here’s the day of two auditions.

My audition was for a simple part but, you know what? I felt really great about it again! If you’re tired of me saying that just know that it’s not always like that but this one was great. The casting director said they loved my job in a film I was in and that was so, so, so nice. I also ran into a friend and had a fun time at the lobby. GREATTTTTT. In case you haven’t been in a lobby b4 auditions: The air is usually thick and tensions and nervousness fill the air, there’s a process where I calm down and focus inwards so that none of this affects me, I’m mostly successful! But this time around? There was just a friend and fellow actor so no need for rituals, all fun and chill.

I’m also thankful for my second audition. I didn’t leave on a cloud, like before, but I DID feel very, very, very happy to have seen the CD that booked me in the pilot I did last year (coincidentally, the friend I found in the other lobby, earlier, was also in that pilot). I restarted a the living cheap book as well and that felt right.

PERSONAL

During breakfast I introduced my dad and GF to the idea of living in Tiny Houses and they were very interested. Man, I want to live in my own place in the fields OR in NYC. I want some job to take me to NYC but also allow me to be here in LA about 4 months a year. Both cities would be perfect. Either way, for some reason, their interest felt like a victory.

I took some of the clothes I’d separated to sell/donate to Crossroads, try to sell them first the woman couldn’t speak clearly for the love of her and she didn’t buy any of my clothes, I think she was doing it on purpose. I know that I might have manifested this interaction, I kept thinking she was annoyed with me and also I got all fearful that my clothes might not sell. They didn’t. What you think, becomes. Sooooo, to clean that energy, I went to Goodwill and donated it all. I thought that, even though I could’ve tried to sell them at Buffalo Exchange, maybe this wasn’t what was meant to happen with these particular objects and I wanted to feel just better. I said a “prayer” of thanks and let them go. I came home to dine, my dad’s GF has been cooking and we had a healthy dinner. I also expressed to my BF that I want to be frugal and he understood. Well I said I was worried about $ and he asked if maybe us eating out too much was affecting me. I said yes, he said -got it *kissy face*- Nice! I’m trying to overcome the shame of just going/asking for what I need from people, specially when it comes to money.

Today, I spent it listening to a podcast on ADHD, which makes me feel suddenly normal and, listening to people’s experiences, I become waaaaay less hard on myself about things that turn out ADHD people commonly have. If your brain is wired like mine, I highly recommend it: ADHD Rewired

I LOVE MY CAT

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