Happy New Year!

A good reminder that we are all lucky to be in this life, alive!

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Whatever happened to me over this past year, I’m thankful for where it brought me. Because where I’m is where I’m meant to be.
And I’m happy that I Am.
And I’m thankful for every day of this Year.
The good and the bad ones.

My resolution for New Year: I WANT TO LIVE!
I want to be able to walk, talk and remember where I want to go and what I want to say… 🙂 !
This will make me very happy.

I make plans.
But I know, that every new day may bring new opportunities and new challenges.
So I will change my plans.
I will make decisions.
I will make mistakes.
I will live…
And be happy that I Am.

Thank you for visiting.

Have a Happy and Healthy New Year!!!
Pray for Peace.

God bless you all.

Oneanna65

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January 10th: One Tries

BF

Last night BF was depressed and I didn’t know how to act around him (since last time this happened he broke up with me). He wanted to sleep and fell asleep, I went to bed and kept studying scripts by his side and was sad that, for the first time, we didn’t cuddle or nothing. However, I woke up with an idea I’m so very thankful for: PSSST, PSSSST, BRING HIM BREAKFAST TO BED!!!! I had a feeling he’d be happy and that would send him onto this new day on the right foot. It did! It worked. Thank you, ideas fairy.

WORK

Only he ate, I left him all happy to have breakfast with my dad and his GF. I also got ready quickly to go to the first audition of the day. Hmmm that sounds so good! The FIRST audition of the day. So many days go by with nothing to do in terms of opportunities and here’s the day of two auditions.

My audition was for a simple part but, you know what? I felt really great about it again! If you’re tired of me saying that just know that it’s not always like that but this one was great. The casting director said they loved my job in a film I was in and that was so, so, so nice. I also ran into a friend and had a fun time at the lobby. GREATTTTTT. In case you haven’t been in a lobby b4 auditions: The air is usually thick and tensions and nervousness fill the air, there’s a process where I calm down and focus inwards so that none of this affects me, I’m mostly successful! But this time around? There was just a friend and fellow actor so no need for rituals, all fun and chill.

I’m also thankful for my second audition. I didn’t leave on a cloud, like before, but I DID feel very, very, very happy to have seen the CD that booked me in the pilot I did last year (coincidentally, the friend I found in the other lobby, earlier, was also in that pilot). I restarted a the living cheap book as well and that felt right.

PERSONAL

During breakfast I introduced my dad and GF to the idea of living in Tiny Houses and they were very interested. Man, I want to live in my own place in the fields OR in NYC. I want some job to take me to NYC but also allow me to be here in LA about 4 months a year. Both cities would be perfect. Either way, for some reason, their interest felt like a victory.

I took some of the clothes I’d separated to sell/donate to Crossroads, try to sell them first the woman couldn’t speak clearly for the love of her and she didn’t buy any of my clothes, I think she was doing it on purpose. I know that I might have manifested this interaction, I kept thinking she was annoyed with me and also I got all fearful that my clothes might not sell. They didn’t. What you think, becomes. Sooooo, to clean that energy, I went to Goodwill and donated it all. I thought that, even though I could’ve tried to sell them at Buffalo Exchange, maybe this wasn’t what was meant to happen with these particular objects and I wanted to feel just better. I said a “prayer” of thanks and let them go. I came home to dine, my dad’s GF has been cooking and we had a healthy dinner. I also expressed to my BF that I want to be frugal and he understood. Well I said I was worried about $ and he asked if maybe us eating out too much was affecting me. I said yes, he said -got it *kissy face*- Nice! I’m trying to overcome the shame of just going/asking for what I need from people, specially when it comes to money.

Today, I spent it listening to a podcast on ADHD, which makes me feel suddenly normal and, listening to people’s experiences, I become waaaaay less hard on myself about things that turn out ADHD people commonly have. If your brain is wired like mine, I highly recommend it: ADHD Rewired

I LOVE MY CAT

January 9th: Photo Shoot & Acting

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There’s a peace that comes from doing that you love, a peace that knows you better than anything. It’s different from the one that comes when you’re pleasantly in love or financially stable. It’s one with the soul. I’ve been lucky to be working on what I love these last days.

One of the things I’m thankful for is having dressed in my play’s character’s clothes and, alongside a lot of other actors, did a photo shoot for the play. It gave me an idea of my character’s deal. The shoot also felt my happy place.

While we were doing the photos at the theater I got a geeky email from my best friend, who just left to England to work, the email was a thread he’d been having with another friend of his about acting and filmmaking in general. They both had thoughts on why they didn’t like La La Land and I wholeheartedly agreed. One of my main things I dislikes was the use of non-white people as props and extras, which makes it fishy. Another point of contention had to do with a white man being a purist about Jazz and a white woman “suffering” through auditions in LA. I just can’t get behind any of this. They both seemed to have agreed about this on their own… and here’s the kicker: as white men. This is something to be thankful for. I’ve had to explain “wokeness” to white men the most. Even the most liberal and accepting amongst my young, open-minded friends have shown privilege or ignorance one way or another. Nothing terrible about it, in fact, it brings up interesting conversations. However, it is a breath of fresh air when they come to conclusions of this sort on their own and, even more so, when they are two men speaking.

I spent time with my dad and gf and then went to my BF’s place to study an acting book I just got all while writing down questions and thoughts for my play’s character. I also memorized for two auditions I had the next day.

I was about to leave this out but I won’t anymore: I had an unexpected call with my manager, where they expressed someone I admire is interested in meeting with me. When things like this happen I always say “don’t get too excited, unless you book a job and see a check in your hand is not real” but that’s a thought that I want to shift! I want to think every little bit of interest in my career from people, and specially people I admire, IS MONEY! IT IS CURRENCY! ENERGY! LOVE.

Something else I had the instinct to leave out as to “not boast” too much: Remember the audition from the day before, the 70’s one? Well, they told me I did a great job and they sent my tape to producers. This is something good, I forget to thank these things. I forget that they are a big deal because at some point, when this started happening more and more, I forgot how exciting it was and started focusing on the least important part Well, is not something to get excited about unless I book it… Unless I get the job, unless I get paid, unless I see it on the air, unless… But that ends this year! Me, four years ago, would’ve been flipping out of excitement about it because turns out, that regardless of the end result, something like this IS something to celebrate!

So many awful auditions happen on the daily in this city. So many terrible auditions I’ve been the star of. So many sad moments of driving away in my car asking my inner self, the one that’s been pushing me into this path, Why did you make me go this way if it wasn’t for me? (all while crying to Lemonade)… worst part about all this? This is normal! That suffering and shame and wondering is what’s actually normal. So, from now on, this is not boasting, my tape being sent to producers is something to be grateful for! That call about a possible meeting? IS something to be grateful for. In general, any interest, call, meeting, love, email and audition sent IS something to be grateful for.

Overall, a very ACTRESS day. My kind of day. My kind of week. Thank you, life, for days like these, specially when money comes my way as well. Which it did. I got a catering job check I was waiting for since the beginning of November. Hey, I know it’s not from acting but $ is $!

January 3rd: Fail is not in my dictionary

Yes, I’m back and yes I technically failed. My goal was to post EVERY DAY. But I did not write on the 3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th and 7th. Five days. However, this is not the place where I beat myself up, this is the place where I pick myself up.

So I will say what I’ve been thankful for these days:

On the 2nd, Monday I was thankful to go home and spend time alone. I was also thankful I fought with my BF about my belief in manifesting, because that made me realize that my beliefs are important to me, that I don’t want anyone in my life trying to prove to me that I think I’m lucky because I don’t have specific goals. I don’t have time in my life to explain to someone how I know I have the power. The million instances where I thought of someone and they showed up or asked for a specific thing and it happened. I have focused all my energies in making the same effortless power happen for money and career stuff.

On the 3rd, Tuesday I was thankful for my BF broke up with me and I not only remained calm but confronted him that night in an open mindset, ready to listen and accept and also to negotiate and see what was up with him. It wasn’t easy but it’s a far cry from the mid 20’s girl screaming WHY to her on-again-off-again BF. This time I saw him and listened to him, regardless of how painful it could’ve been. I’m also thankful we figured out what was happening. He was depressed and confused about his career and thought “I don’t want her to see me like this and I can’t give her time and energy when I’m this depressed, better to let her go” he was embarrassed and scared and I understood him. He was thankful for the talk and I was too and we did not break up at all. It was all a wonderful learning experience I’m very grateful for. I also got booked to do a Guest Star in a popular Sitcom, they booked me sans audition and I’m so, so, so grateful for that.

On the 4th, Wednesday I had a commercial audition (which I never do because I hate cattle calls) and, later that day, I auditioned for the main character of a sitcom. A scientist woman, of all things. Very exciting whether I’m right for it or not. I felt funny and good and I clearly worked this character. The CD was kind, laughing and also directing me in a clear way. I thank days like this. I love days where I do my thing and I do it right. I was also thankful my BF seems more in love than ever.

On the 5th, Thursday I mostly cleaned my apartment and made it father presentable. My dad and his girlfriend got in that day and I made the apartment go from World War dramatization to a parents-are-coming friendly apartment. I also slept at my BF’s and have since. I also was on the phone with my aunt for a long time while I was cleaning up, talking about clearing our energies about certain topics. Both of us have a tendency to believe in the lack of money and we discussed more positive thoughts we can have on the subject. It was very productive in terms of personal goals and bonding in our already like-sisters relationship.

On the 6th, Friday I went to the sitcom’s table read and it was a special event for them, press was going to be there so the studio provided me with a driver, a make up artist and FOOOOD. I was very honored to be the only non-regular cast member at that press panel. I looked great and was funny. That afternoon I had an audition where I got to submerge in a character totally different from me. A 70’s starlet who’s excellent at manipulation. Nothing I’ve done before, this was so thrilling. I felt great all day and like a real actress. Not just a theoretical actress but an actress who acts. even if it’s in that tiny room in front of one man and a camera. AHHHHHHHH I LOVE IT. My dad also got me pots and pans. I went to party with my friends and then had fun rest of the night with my boyfriend, overall a big success of a day.

On the 7th, Saturday, I had rehearsal for a play I’m doing soon. It’s about cabaret dancers, prostitutes and it’s meant to be at a small bar where you can interact with the tables/audience. I understood, during my meeting, that this was not going to be an easy role for me to do and I was thankful and inspired by that. I also got three books on acting and loved perusing around Samuel French, oh I’m a Tinseltown stereotype but I love it.I also hung with my girlsfriends at a dive bar and then had a bit of a drunk night (me, I was drunk) with my sexy man. Mmmmmm sexy man.

On the 8th we had a delicious breakfast, he showed me a project he created, directed and edited, a project I’m in. We worked together and it was pretty fucking cool. He was cute and nervous to show me, hoped I liked it. I loved it. It was so strange to see myself in his project way before we started dating, way before we thought about it. I was proud of him. He said I was so good in it and I believe him. I said he’s the kind kind of funny person that will generously laugh when you joke, without any kind of shame or mind-game about it. Unashamedly enjoying a person’s humor is his strength (harder than it seems) and I said that he always made me feel I’m funny, I’m the funny person I am. He really loved that compliment. Later that day he said I made him laugh so hard he farted… my favorite compliment. We also went to a street vendor’s fair in LA and got ourselves some deals, he got me a necklace. My dad spent the day in Venice with his GF and I felt free. His parents said hi to me when he talked to them and I felt happy. We had a dinner with 7 other like minded people, filmmakers and actors and what not but all of them relaxed, all of them funny, all of them interested, curious, engaged, awake, alive, lovely, polite, sassy! It was a wonderful dinner I hope I never forget. I’m so lucky to be surrounded by wonderful artists.

 

January 2nd: A NYE come down

Ronnie here. Coming from a brand new shiny day into the grind isn’t that easy but, nonetheless, there are things to be thankful for:

My cat has been really delicious since I’ve spent more time home. She even slept next to me on the couch last night after falling asleep to this documentary of twins who were separated at birth and found each other all thanks to a YouTube video. The documentary was so sweet but my cat was even more and I’m thankful for that. She usually doesn’t cuddle, much less near my face.

I’m very grateful that I have Netflix and a bunch of other things available any time I want. I have this laptop and I have food on the fridge and my basic needs are pretty much covered.

Work is something I’m looking for right now and yesterday I updated my resume and printed some physical ones. I also sent some online on Indeed and Craigslist. I’m thankful I have experience and resources to actively do this search and I’m happy that I know I will find the right thing. I am also thankful to myself for taking the time this morning to define a little better what I want and my limiting money believes.

Yesterday I started writing my YA novel. I’m not saying I know what I’m doing or that I got it all outlined perfectly but I did find something and that is a voice that I’m very excited by. My main character is not what I thought originally but I think it’s better. I have had this character in my head for so long and have placed her in so many contexts in my head and I feel like I finally got it. Thank you!

Tomorrow I have an audition. I’m thankful for that as well.

There’s a long way to go on this journey and I’m not always 100% but I gotta find things to be thankful for I must. Thank you for being here while that happens.

December 31st/January 1st (part II)

JANUARY 1st: THE GARDENS

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We woke up with the idea of going to Huntington Gardens. He’d been, I hadn’t. First we walked his dog and sign up on a list for the brunch place. We were far down. Dropped his dog off and got my car. We decided to go check another place and see if it was open, it’s cheaper too. It was closed. On the way back to the brunch spot we wondered if we’d gotten skipped but it all happened with a cosmic coincidence of a movie. We found a parking spot that was the closest possible to the restaurant and was  exactly the size of my Smart car, as we walked to the restaurant we see the hostess come outside, hold the list and loudly announce our name. PERFECT! Thank you for perfection.

Brunch was delicious, I suggested a popular-in-Latin-America-dessert, Tres Leches, and BF orderer right up top, I had a feeling that if he likes Horchata Latte so much he was going to  definitely love this one. Basically, I was a perfect Netflix in terms of suggesting because he tasted it and his face changed into the face of someone who’s head was split right open. In fact, those were his words -This dessert split my head right open- YES! He’s also been feeling a song I showed him and a podcast I showed him. Him liking things I show him makes me feel cool. I like his things he shows me. It’s cool. I know It’s kinda lame to want to be cool but I love being cool, a cool girl, coincidentally, the song he’s feeling is called “I”m A Cool Girl” by Tove Lo. I became infatuated with it through a music podcast I listen to. We headed to the gardens after laughing at HOLLYWEED, thank you, vandals!

We parked by the entrance, my tiny car is a blessing. And we micro-dosed on acid. First time I’ve done it and I was nervous but it was SO GOOD, a micro dose is the perfect thing to do as an intro to a drug. I did it with mushrooms too and I felt just right. So the trip was more like a relaxed state than a psychedelic 70’s stereotype or whatever. Like, normally, I’d be stressed about the amount of people but instead I was just chill and focused on enjoying nature. The weather was perfect, very wet and cold and grey, all made us feel like we were not in LA but in some place of a little more substance. Also, forgive me everyone, but the sunny LA is not my jam. Every day? Every single day just plain sunny? Nah. Give me the range, the rainbow, the variety! Well… we got it! It was like cloud forrest weather, where strawberries grow weather, Netherlands weather. So, so, so nice. The grey makes the flowers stand out so preciously. If I had to describe the first day of this year it would be: I spent it inside the most beautiful painting with someone I really, really, really, like.

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After a perfect park day, Japanese gardens, the Rain Forrest, Cloud Forrest, the little kids museum part, kids garden, etc we left to walk his dog, do groceries, pet my cat, eat, drink with friends. The drink with friends was perfect, everything was perfect about this day. We took amazing photos, made jokes, talked about the party, complimented each other, had fun, played with each other’s pets, I watched Supergirl, which is my favorite soap. I’m so thankful this is how I started this year. I am so, so, so, so, so thankful to be able to come back to this post and feel good just remembering things.

Happy 2017!

-Ronnie

December 31st/January 1st (part I)

This post officially begins my year of Grateful Daily Blog, also my year and what a start to a year.I had a perfect December 31st and January 1st. So this story begins the night before.So here’s how I’m thankful:

DECEMBER 31st AND THE PARTY

On December 31st I got a little depressed but got to finally spend time by myself, cleaned and moved things around my studio, listened to Tony Robbins to get me in the spirit of a new beginning, spent time with my cat AND watched Step Up. I watch a movie a day as many days as I can. Also, on a surprising note, my family called ME and I got to talk to everyone. I showered and got dressed for the party. When I put on my jumpsuit I realized I’d gained weight since the summer and I decided not to have a crisis about it, instead I said to myself -that’s just what it currently is and my body doesn’t have to stay like that if I don’t want to- that relieved me, I also looked hot AF, I’m so blessed to have my hot body I just happened to be unnoticeable tighter in my clothes. I headed to the BF’s house where he had ordered pizza for us, what a great plan! Before I left he asked me if I had a bolo tie, which I do, and the idea that he thought of wearing such a piece AND rocked it all night long was so sexy to me, I love style and men being unafraid of jewelry, it fucking rocks that a man I’m dating would ask for such a piece. He got maaaaaaaad compliments on his style and a group of gay men noticed we matched and said we were very stylish together, thank you gay men in the balcony, that matters to me!

We pre-partied at my BF’s friend’s house (they are my friends on my own, I worked with the host in a show, I just know them less than him). That was a 7 person short hang out that was sweet and perfect. Then we headed to a big party that was full of people and, initially had a Ronnie-will-panic-vibe BUT things lined up perfectly so I was able to relax, I’m thankful for that.

  • 1. The mean girls and I never crossed paths, except for one but my BF and I bonded over being like “she’s weird” and that’s nice.
  • 2. My BF stuck with me like a gent and also offered me, no problem, the option to leave any time, which relieved me greatly
  • 3. I got the right amount of drunk/high
  • 4. My interactions with other people I sort of knew were perfect, funny, smart, short and sweet, a good mood all around.
  • 5. Got to make out at midnight
  • 6. I DANCED HARD and with BF as well.
  • 7. An actress I’m completely arrested by was there and we not only made intense eye contact but I felt the ***electricity***
  • 8. We left at the perfect time
  • 9. Had amazing sex
  • 10. Slept like babies.

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***A NOTE ON THE ELECTRICITY*** We all have it, right? that thing that goes “ppzzzzt” when you see someone or get an idea or watch an inspiring movie or piece of art. It’s that thing that calls you in, the magnet, the star. I feel that vibe with few people ever and it’s a very positive thing. Those, I consider, are my fellow aliens, people who’s frequency match mine. Usually, when this happens, I end up meeting these people, sooner or later they come to my life and I come to theirs. When this happen I also usually end up becoming friends with these people, or date them, or work with them etc. I was happy I felt it with her. When I first knew who this actress was she was winning, ahead of me you could say. I had auditioned for a big movie and I wanted it but I didn’t get a callback and she did, not only did she get a callback, she was being championed by the casting director to get the part. I was like WHO THE F IS THIS???? But, in my search for peace, I decided that, instead, I was going to learn from this person, who is she, how is she so good, why is she so good, I wanted to focus on the positives about her and not the hate, hate is useful to no one and is very damaging. So I have focused on the admirable qualities of this person. Just the day before my BF and I watched something she was in, I talked to him about my little obsession with her mystique (leaving the initial part out). I couldn’t stop thinking about her, it was just like magnet. Mere 24hrs later our eyes were crossing on the dance floor for a little longer than just a pass by and we had a moment. The way she looked at me was either she absolutely knows who I am or she’s very curious about me. I’d say OF COURSE, I called her there (let me have that). We’ll work together or see each other again soon.

Please keep reading in PART II