Yo, today was hard AF. I woke up with a weird feeling. I also woke up with the news that I needed to pay my union or I was not going to be able to work next week, problem is: I am currently real low on the $ and the dues were larger than I thought. I had to borrow $. I am thankful then that I found someone to lend me dinero, someone I can pay back later and I know will be OK. Not everyone has someone like that in their lives.
After that I had to take my dad and GF to the gyno, she wasn’t feeling well, it’s all good now. I also suddenly had a meeting in 50 minutes, I was in my pajamas and the commute to there was 45min, I don’t ever get ready in 5min, I have no concept of time, like it’s actually, medically, really, hard for me. I have systems in place to make sure I make it to places and they still fail sometimes so, thrown into something like this, when my dad is around and they are both using my bathroom was hard> BUT!!!! They moved my meeting, I had extra time and it actually went very, very well.
Getting into why the rest of the day was so awful would be rehashing and I want to feel gratefulness! I won’t go into detail but, just to spare the suspense, I got news from a family member that were highly stressful to me and I spent the day crying, sobbing and thinking I’d quit it all, because acting was a terrible non-financially realistic career choice, I fantasized I’d sell all my stuff and move to the middle of the country and then live in a cabin, away from people and family and it all, until I become that crazy lady people talk about, the one kids think eats children? But, somehow, in the midst of all this and with the help of my BF, I pulled myself together and did the following things:
- Learned my lines for an audition I have today, January 13th.
- Went to the read through of a film script my friend wrote and he provided dinner.
- Organized the lineup of my live show, which means I read submissions, created a lineup of what I hoped was the best, replied to the people who got in.
- Had a productive phone conversation with my manager about the meeting from earlier.
- Started learning the lines for the play.
This is at my most depressed and thinking I’d quit. This is me while unable to keep my eyes open too long because of how much I’d been crying. Damn, girl. My BF helped, he said -Spend the next hour memorizing lines- and then I did and I had extra time so I started working on something else and the ball rolled.
My friend A, who’s my most precious friend and now lives in England, woke up when I was crying and alone and needing someone, so we talked a bit and made each other laugh. That lifted my spirits. I also did a bunch of Italian lessons in Duolingo.
I gotta admit that partly my cries were all about finances. How can I change my approach about money? Any suggestions? I’ve tried so hard to believe that money comes my way easily, that I DO have a profitable career, even when I remember I HAVE made a lot of money in the past with it somehow is hard to believe it’ll happen again. Being in debt doesn’t help but… how can I change this perspective? I want to be thankful about the money I have. Please comment below.