January 6th: I Offer Self Tape Services

I’m thankful today for I woke up with an idea! I have a backdrop for photos and I have professional lights, why not offer other actors the service of helping them self tape for a little cash? So I went ahead and posted on Craigslist and I’m very happy about it.

I’ve done a million self tapes, for me, for friends, I’ve taken so many classes and I have equipment and this makes me feel like I’m doing something good for actors like me! …Of course I got to charge $ because I’m using my time and things but, the experience per se is exciting and I believe my prices are unlike others in the city.

One of the things I love the most is memorizing lines and feeling like I can nail them and I’ve gotten to do that quite a bit. I might not be right for every role, for every network or group but I know I feel good about my acting rn. I’m thankful for that and I love when people nail it. I love talent and dedication

On an excuse-souding-but-it’s-not-an-excuse note: If I haven’t been consistent on my blog… at least I’ve been pretty consistent about doing my Mind Power exercises. What is that you ask? It’s John Kehoe’s tapes about his mind power techniques. Sounds new agey? IT IS NOT! Which is one of the things I love the most about it. It’s all about controlling your mind and being aware of your thoughts and habits. It’s not positive thinking or magic – it’s literally about how we live in a world of thoughts and actions but every action had a thought before it. There are no actions that haven’t been thought of before… hence, thoughts are real forces, they create action. If we know where our mind goes we can change what we do outside of it. To me this is very logical stuff but he offers an almost academic approach to practicing mind powers. It’s basically like an Instagram Squat Challenge but… with your mind. AND I’VE BEEN VERY CONSISTENT! And consistency IS THE KEY.

This is my Craigslist post where I had a friend pose and pretend like she’s acting so I could show how good my little studio looks

https://losangeles.craigslist.org/lac/sks/5992816284.html

Advertisements

January 9th: Photo Shoot & Acting

2017-01-09-photo-00000027

There’s a peace that comes from doing that you love, a peace that knows you better than anything. It’s different from the one that comes when you’re pleasantly in love or financially stable. It’s one with the soul. I’ve been lucky to be working on what I love these last days.

One of the things I’m thankful for is having dressed in my play’s character’s clothes and, alongside a lot of other actors, did a photo shoot for the play. It gave me an idea of my character’s deal. The shoot also felt my happy place.

While we were doing the photos at the theater I got a geeky email from my best friend, who just left to England to work, the email was a thread he’d been having with another friend of his about acting and filmmaking in general. They both had thoughts on why they didn’t like La La Land and I wholeheartedly agreed. One of my main things I dislikes was the use of non-white people as props and extras, which makes it fishy. Another point of contention had to do with a white man being a purist about Jazz and a white woman “suffering” through auditions in LA. I just can’t get behind any of this. They both seemed to have agreed about this on their own… and here’s the kicker: as white men. This is something to be thankful for. I’ve had to explain “wokeness” to white men the most. Even the most liberal and accepting amongst my young, open-minded friends have shown privilege or ignorance one way or another. Nothing terrible about it, in fact, it brings up interesting conversations. However, it is a breath of fresh air when they come to conclusions of this sort on their own and, even more so, when they are two men speaking.

I spent time with my dad and gf and then went to my BF’s place to study an acting book I just got all while writing down questions and thoughts for my play’s character. I also memorized for two auditions I had the next day.

I was about to leave this out but I won’t anymore: I had an unexpected call with my manager, where they expressed someone I admire is interested in meeting with me. When things like this happen I always say “don’t get too excited, unless you book a job and see a check in your hand is not real” but that’s a thought that I want to shift! I want to think every little bit of interest in my career from people, and specially people I admire, IS MONEY! IT IS CURRENCY! ENERGY! LOVE.

Something else I had the instinct to leave out as to “not boast” too much: Remember the audition from the day before, the 70’s one? Well, they told me I did a great job and they sent my tape to producers. This is something good, I forget to thank these things. I forget that they are a big deal because at some point, when this started happening more and more, I forgot how exciting it was and started focusing on the least important part Well, is not something to get excited about unless I book it… Unless I get the job, unless I get paid, unless I see it on the air, unless… But that ends this year! Me, four years ago, would’ve been flipping out of excitement about it because turns out, that regardless of the end result, something like this IS something to celebrate!

So many awful auditions happen on the daily in this city. So many terrible auditions I’ve been the star of. So many sad moments of driving away in my car asking my inner self, the one that’s been pushing me into this path, Why did you make me go this way if it wasn’t for me? (all while crying to Lemonade)… worst part about all this? This is normal! That suffering and shame and wondering is what’s actually normal. So, from now on, this is not boasting, my tape being sent to producers is something to be grateful for! That call about a possible meeting? IS something to be grateful for. In general, any interest, call, meeting, love, email and audition sent IS something to be grateful for.

Overall, a very ACTRESS day. My kind of day. My kind of week. Thank you, life, for days like these, specially when money comes my way as well. Which it did. I got a catering job check I was waiting for since the beginning of November. Hey, I know it’s not from acting but $ is $!

January 3rd: Fail is not in my dictionary

Yes, I’m back and yes I technically failed. My goal was to post EVERY DAY. But I did not write on the 3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th and 7th. Five days. However, this is not the place where I beat myself up, this is the place where I pick myself up.

So I will say what I’ve been thankful for these days:

On the 2nd, Monday I was thankful to go home and spend time alone. I was also thankful I fought with my BF about my belief in manifesting, because that made me realize that my beliefs are important to me, that I don’t want anyone in my life trying to prove to me that I think I’m lucky because I don’t have specific goals. I don’t have time in my life to explain to someone how I know I have the power. The million instances where I thought of someone and they showed up or asked for a specific thing and it happened. I have focused all my energies in making the same effortless power happen for money and career stuff.

On the 3rd, Tuesday I was thankful for my BF broke up with me and I not only remained calm but confronted him that night in an open mindset, ready to listen and accept and also to negotiate and see what was up with him. It wasn’t easy but it’s a far cry from the mid 20’s girl screaming WHY to her on-again-off-again BF. This time I saw him and listened to him, regardless of how painful it could’ve been. I’m also thankful we figured out what was happening. He was depressed and confused about his career and thought “I don’t want her to see me like this and I can’t give her time and energy when I’m this depressed, better to let her go” he was embarrassed and scared and I understood him. He was thankful for the talk and I was too and we did not break up at all. It was all a wonderful learning experience I’m very grateful for. I also got booked to do a Guest Star in a popular Sitcom, they booked me sans audition and I’m so, so, so grateful for that.

On the 4th, Wednesday I had a commercial audition (which I never do because I hate cattle calls) and, later that day, I auditioned for the main character of a sitcom. A scientist woman, of all things. Very exciting whether I’m right for it or not. I felt funny and good and I clearly worked this character. The CD was kind, laughing and also directing me in a clear way. I thank days like this. I love days where I do my thing and I do it right. I was also thankful my BF seems more in love than ever.

On the 5th, Thursday I mostly cleaned my apartment and made it father presentable. My dad and his girlfriend got in that day and I made the apartment go from World War dramatization to a parents-are-coming friendly apartment. I also slept at my BF’s and have since. I also was on the phone with my aunt for a long time while I was cleaning up, talking about clearing our energies about certain topics. Both of us have a tendency to believe in the lack of money and we discussed more positive thoughts we can have on the subject. It was very productive in terms of personal goals and bonding in our already like-sisters relationship.

On the 6th, Friday I went to the sitcom’s table read and it was a special event for them, press was going to be there so the studio provided me with a driver, a make up artist and FOOOOD. I was very honored to be the only non-regular cast member at that press panel. I looked great and was funny. That afternoon I had an audition where I got to submerge in a character totally different from me. A 70’s starlet who’s excellent at manipulation. Nothing I’ve done before, this was so thrilling. I felt great all day and like a real actress. Not just a theoretical actress but an actress who acts. even if it’s in that tiny room in front of one man and a camera. AHHHHHHHH I LOVE IT. My dad also got me pots and pans. I went to party with my friends and then had fun rest of the night with my boyfriend, overall a big success of a day.

On the 7th, Saturday, I had rehearsal for a play I’m doing soon. It’s about cabaret dancers, prostitutes and it’s meant to be at a small bar where you can interact with the tables/audience. I understood, during my meeting, that this was not going to be an easy role for me to do and I was thankful and inspired by that. I also got three books on acting and loved perusing around Samuel French, oh I’m a Tinseltown stereotype but I love it.I also hung with my girlsfriends at a dive bar and then had a bit of a drunk night (me, I was drunk) with my sexy man. Mmmmmm sexy man.

On the 8th we had a delicious breakfast, he showed me a project he created, directed and edited, a project I’m in. We worked together and it was pretty fucking cool. He was cute and nervous to show me, hoped I liked it. I loved it. It was so strange to see myself in his project way before we started dating, way before we thought about it. I was proud of him. He said I was so good in it and I believe him. I said he’s the kind kind of funny person that will generously laugh when you joke, without any kind of shame or mind-game about it. Unashamedly enjoying a person’s humor is his strength (harder than it seems) and I said that he always made me feel I’m funny, I’m the funny person I am. He really loved that compliment. Later that day he said I made him laugh so hard he farted… my favorite compliment. We also went to a street vendor’s fair in LA and got ourselves some deals, he got me a necklace. My dad spent the day in Venice with his GF and I felt free. His parents said hi to me when he talked to them and I felt happy. We had a dinner with 7 other like minded people, filmmakers and actors and what not but all of them relaxed, all of them funny, all of them interested, curious, engaged, awake, alive, lovely, polite, sassy! It was a wonderful dinner I hope I never forget. I’m so lucky to be surrounded by wonderful artists.

 

December 31st/January 1st (part I)

This post officially begins my year of Grateful Daily Blog, also my year and what a start to a year.I had a perfect December 31st and January 1st. So this story begins the night before.So here’s how I’m thankful:

DECEMBER 31st AND THE PARTY

On December 31st I got a little depressed but got to finally spend time by myself, cleaned and moved things around my studio, listened to Tony Robbins to get me in the spirit of a new beginning, spent time with my cat AND watched Step Up. I watch a movie a day as many days as I can. Also, on a surprising note, my family called ME and I got to talk to everyone. I showered and got dressed for the party. When I put on my jumpsuit I realized I’d gained weight since the summer and I decided not to have a crisis about it, instead I said to myself -that’s just what it currently is and my body doesn’t have to stay like that if I don’t want to- that relieved me, I also looked hot AF, I’m so blessed to have my hot body I just happened to be unnoticeable tighter in my clothes. I headed to the BF’s house where he had ordered pizza for us, what a great plan! Before I left he asked me if I had a bolo tie, which I do, and the idea that he thought of wearing such a piece AND rocked it all night long was so sexy to me, I love style and men being unafraid of jewelry, it fucking rocks that a man I’m dating would ask for such a piece. He got maaaaaaaad compliments on his style and a group of gay men noticed we matched and said we were very stylish together, thank you gay men in the balcony, that matters to me!

We pre-partied at my BF’s friend’s house (they are my friends on my own, I worked with the host in a show, I just know them less than him). That was a 7 person short hang out that was sweet and perfect. Then we headed to a big party that was full of people and, initially had a Ronnie-will-panic-vibe BUT things lined up perfectly so I was able to relax, I’m thankful for that.

  • 1. The mean girls and I never crossed paths, except for one but my BF and I bonded over being like “she’s weird” and that’s nice.
  • 2. My BF stuck with me like a gent and also offered me, no problem, the option to leave any time, which relieved me greatly
  • 3. I got the right amount of drunk/high
  • 4. My interactions with other people I sort of knew were perfect, funny, smart, short and sweet, a good mood all around.
  • 5. Got to make out at midnight
  • 6. I DANCED HARD and with BF as well.
  • 7. An actress I’m completely arrested by was there and we not only made intense eye contact but I felt the ***electricity***
  • 8. We left at the perfect time
  • 9. Had amazing sex
  • 10. Slept like babies.

electricity

***A NOTE ON THE ELECTRICITY*** We all have it, right? that thing that goes “ppzzzzt” when you see someone or get an idea or watch an inspiring movie or piece of art. It’s that thing that calls you in, the magnet, the star. I feel that vibe with few people ever and it’s a very positive thing. Those, I consider, are my fellow aliens, people who’s frequency match mine. Usually, when this happens, I end up meeting these people, sooner or later they come to my life and I come to theirs. When this happen I also usually end up becoming friends with these people, or date them, or work with them etc. I was happy I felt it with her. When I first knew who this actress was she was winning, ahead of me you could say. I had auditioned for a big movie and I wanted it but I didn’t get a callback and she did, not only did she get a callback, she was being championed by the casting director to get the part. I was like WHO THE F IS THIS???? But, in my search for peace, I decided that, instead, I was going to learn from this person, who is she, how is she so good, why is she so good, I wanted to focus on the positives about her and not the hate, hate is useful to no one and is very damaging. So I have focused on the admirable qualities of this person. Just the day before my BF and I watched something she was in, I talked to him about my little obsession with her mystique (leaving the initial part out). I couldn’t stop thinking about her, it was just like magnet. Mere 24hrs later our eyes were crossing on the dance floor for a little longer than just a pass by and we had a moment. The way she looked at me was either she absolutely knows who I am or she’s very curious about me. I’d say OF COURSE, I called her there (let me have that). We’ll work together or see each other again soon.

Please keep reading in PART II

Bye 2016, I was ungrateful

Hi, my name is Ronnie and, like a lot of people, I didn’t feel grateful for 2016 but 2017 will be my biatch. Welcome to the Grateful Daily Blog!

Yes, there were amazing things about this year, there were! I can even say I had the highest moment in my career this year by far, a lot of family goals were accomplished and I finally got to live in a dream studio by myself, like I’ve always wanted to. But, to be quite frank, it’s been hard to even be, er to FEEL truly thankful for most things, because so much felt so bad. Why was that?

Partly because I let myself fall into the “This year sucks” conversation. More than that, I encouraged it and brought it up consistently, I made it a focus and GUESS WHAT? It miiiiiight have brought it about. This year I’ve decided to change that and not participate in “this sucks” conversations of any kind. Another reason might be the fact that I felt out of place, it was my second year in Los Angeles (a city I’m trying to like) and where I have never quite felt like I belong. Also, to quote the luminaire Kylie Jenner, it was a “year of realizing things” in terms of how LA works, specially in showbiz, which is where I move about. I’m female and I’m not white and LA is what I initially thought of as FUCKING BEHIND in terms of race/gender, not just in Hollywood but in social interactions and real life… however, after this election, I think actually LA is not behind but right on time with the “other” half of America.

Politics aside, there are other reasons 2016 was UGH: My finances were truly out of whack, I hemorrhaged money and no check seem to ever arrive on time or with the amount of money I had expected, I miss the change of seasons of NYC (and the fast pace, the straight shooters, the hustle that so makes me motivated, inspired and alive), I’ve been stressed about whether my parents would leave Venezuela or not and, overall, I realized a lot of what I thought were close friends …were not, I went through a rough breakup and this year, suddenly, I fell out of love the thing I’ve loved all my life, the one thing that literally kept me alive so many times… Performing. If you add this up it = WOOF.

For whatever reason, internal or external, I let 2016 run me over like a corn truck runs over the corn things in the field thingies (use your imagination to make my metaphor work?) and I ain’t about to let that same thing happen to me in 2017. So I created this blog as a way to flip the script, edit my life and, in the end, find peace and happiness, which is what we are all here for.

Please join me as I thank 2017 on the daily. Here are some of my self-imposed rules:

  • There will be a post per day. In case something happens and I can’t post, I will make it up so, at the end of this year, there will be 365 posts with 2017 dates.
  • There’s no limit of the things to be thankful for but I must be thankful for a least one thing per day.
  • Pictures and links will be encouraged whenever possible, but I’m OK with this just being a written word blog.
  • Complaints, crankiness, negativity can take a hike, because the name of the game here is POSITIVITY, THANKFULNESS & YES! 2017 is the best year.
  • I will share inspirational links and stories that other people post that I consider pertinent to the Grateful Daily Blog
  • I’m allowed to add rules as I discover how to do this but the ones above this line are NOT movable!

OK, thank you for reading and stick around!! I’m remaining accountable for myself but, when all else fails (and I know myself, it might sometimes) I will remain accountable for you, my reader friend.

LET’S DO THIS!!! – R